A Quick Thought Brought On By a Friend
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Addicts need help on many levels, and having a servant’s heart is not a bad thing—in fact, it reflects the character of Mashiach. But when we carry unresolved trauma, even our generosity can become entangled in pain. Trauma often leads us to do in order to feel seen, valued, or useful. Helping others can become our “fix”—a way to feel like we matter, to avoid our own wounds, or to find purpose through others’ needs.
I used to give everything: money, clothes, time, energy. But no matter how much I gave, I still felt empty. Not the kind of emptiness a nap or a vacation could fix—but soul-tired, disconnected, and unseen. Through healing, YHWH began to show me why I gave. It wasn’t always about love—it was sometimes about survival, or trying to earn love I didn’t believe I deserved.
And when people know you’re a giver? Many will take—again and again—without ever thinking about your wellbeing. That’s why boundaries are not unloving. Boundaries teach people how to treat you. They teach others to respect the image of YHWH in you. Giving isn’t wrong. But giving without discernment can be damaging. Without seeking YHWH’s direction or checking your heart posture, giving can even become idolatry—doing things “for YHWH” that He never asked of you.
My husband has discernment in this area, and through humility, I learned to involve him. Now, we seek YHWH together before giving. Sometimes the most obedient thing to do is to pause and ask: “Is this what You want, Abba?”
Scripture says:
“Each one should give as he purposes in his heart, not of regret or of necessity, for Elohim loves a joyous giver.”— 2 Corinthians 9:7, TS2009
But it also says:
“Obedience is better than sacrifice...”— 1 Samuel 15:22
We're not called to give just to be seen as kind. We are called to obey YHWH, to walk in discernment, and to give as led by Ruach Ha’Qodesh.
So if you’ve found yourself burnt out from giving, ask yourself:
Am I giving from a healed place—or a hurting place?
Am I giving out of love—or out of fear of being unseen?
The difference matters. Because when we give from obedience, YHWH blesses both the giver and the receiver.