Part 2: How Worth Hurts Our Boundaries

“But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No’ be ‘No.’ And what goes beyond these is from the wicked one.”

Let’s start with this simple truth:

Most of us—especially women—have tied our worth to our actions.

We don’t always say it aloud, but it’s written deep in our choices.

We don’t serve from the overflow—we serve from scarcity, hoping someone will fill us in return. We overextend, overcommit, overvolunteer… because somewhere deep inside, we’re afraid that if we say no, we’ll be rejected.

This isn’t love. It’s fear dressed up as obedience.

And it crushes our ability to set healthy, biblical boundaries.

A few years ago, I would’ve nodded along politely if someone had said this. But in my heart, I didn’t get it. I knew I was valuable beyond my doing—but I didn’t live like I believed it.

And that’s the difference.

Knowing something is not the same as living it.

It wasn’t until recently—through deep reflection and hard conversations with my husband—that I realized how much of my worth I had unknowingly chained to my performance. Even acts of kindness had become currency: do enough, love hard enough, serve long enough—and then maybe I’d feel worthy.

But that’s not how YHWH sees us.

And it’s not how He calls us to live.

Here’s the painful cycle many of us walk in:

1. We say yes—even when we don’t want to.

2. We smile—even when our soul is tired.

3. We show up—even when we’re stretched thin.

And then… we feel frustrated, bitter, or even invisible.

We blame others for “using us,” but the truth is—we volunteered.

Not out of joy, but out of fear.

Not out of calling, but out of a desperate hope to feel worthy.

This is why boundaries feel so threatening.

Because if we say no, what’s left of our identity?

Expectations vs. Boundaries (Coming in Part 3)

What makes it even harder is we often confuse boundaries with expectations.

We think drawing a line is mean or unloving. But in truth, a boundary protects relationship—while expectations silently sabotage it.

But that’s Part 3.

Right now, we must wrestle with this:

- Do I know I’m worthy even when I do nothing?

- Do I believe I’m loved even if I say no?

- Can I sit in stillness and let YHWH define my value—not my performance?

Where have I said “yes” recently when I really wanted to say “no”?

In what ways am I seeking approval more than I’m seeking obedience?

How has performance shaped my identity more than YHWH’s truth?