When a Woman Isn’t Free to Be Who YHWH Made Her to Be

There’s something I’ve noticed—something painful, something deep:

Many men cannot receive wisdom, instruction, or correction from a woman.

And this goes far beyond pride.

Often, it’s rooted in deep wounds—wounds from mothers who failed them, from female relatives who caused trauma, from wives who disappointed or hurt them. And instead of healing, many men build a theology around that pain. A personal doctrine that says:

“Women are dangerous. They are manipulative. They are only good when they stay in their place.”

In marriage, this becomes a cage. A prison of expectations.

She can cook. She can clean.

But she can’t feel.

She can’t create.

She can’t think, challenge, or correct.

She must obey—quietly, submissively, and without voice.

And this isn’t what YHWH designed.

This kind of control often wears the mask of spirituality:

No matter how it’s worded, the message is the same:

And it works—because it’s subtle. But the result is the same:

A woman never blossoms into who she was created to be.

And the man? He never receives the blessing of her wisdom, her discernment, or her strength.

That word helper is ezer kenegdo.

Not servant. Not slave. Not background support.

It means: a powerful aid and equal counterpart—someone who helps you stand when you are falling, who brings substance and spiritual strength.

A woman filled with the Ruach ha’Qodesh doesn’t just pray—

She also corrects, guides, and helps bring her husband back to the narrow path.

But many men will buck against this.

Because wounded hearts often resist truth, especially when it comes from a woman.

This wound trickles down like poison:

In the workplace: A woman builds a business, leads with wisdom—and is mocked, dismissed, or undermined by men who can’t see her worth.

In the home: Children learn this distorted dynamic.

Sons mirror what they see.

Daughters are either crushed or hardened.

The generational curse of male control and female suppression is born again. And again. And again.

It leads to homes where:

Daughters don’t know their worth.

Sons don’t know how to receive correction or love from women.

Wives break down emotionally under spiritual starvation.

“Through wisdom a house is built, And by understanding it is established; And by knowledge the rooms are filled With all precious and pleasant riches.” Mishlĕ (Proverbs) 24:3–4, TS2009

A home built without wisdom cannot stand—not truly.

And if women are denied the freedom to walk in their gifting, the entire house suffers.

What’s worse?

Our faith communities often support this dysfunction.

Not by intent, but by omission.

Too many leaders preach:

Divorce is evil, no matter what.

Women must submit, no matter what.

Men are the head, no matter what.

But where is the accountability?

Where is the repentance, the healing, the counseling?

Where are the elders calling men back to love their wives as Messiah loved the assembly—sacrificially, gently, and with patience?

“Husbands, love your wives, as Messiah also did love the assembly and gave Himself for it…” Eph’siyim (Ephesians) 5:25, TS2009

We say divorce is bad—but staying in an abusive, emotionally manipulative marriage that kills the spirit of a woman is somehow okay?

I don’t promote divorce. I promote healing.

But healing requires truth.

It requires looking at the fruit.

And sometimes… the fruit is rotten because the soil was never good to begin with.

We need marriages where:

Women are allowed to feel.

Women are allowed to speak.

Women are allowed to bring wisdom, correction, and spiritual insight.

Where they don’t feel shackled or silenced.

Where they can be strong and soft, prophetic and nurturing, creative and grounded.

Where their full design is not only permitted—but cherished.

We’re not called to hierarchy. We’re called to oneness in Messiah.

Let her be who she was created to be.

And in doing so, you become who you were created to be

Let’s break this cycle.

Let’s create homes built on humility, healing, and holiness.

“He who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favor from יהוה.” Mishlĕ (Proverbs) 18:22, TS2009

Research shows that when women are not allowed to express their authentic thoughts or emotions—especially in close relationships like marriage—it leads to increased anxiety, depression, and physical illness.

Study: Emotional suppression linked to anxiety and poor communication

Repeated patterns of silencing, invalidating, or controlling one’s spouse are classified as emotional and psychological abuse. This has long-term impacts on trust, identity, and self-worth.

Children raised in households where mothers are silenced or diminished often grow into adults who repeat those patterns—either becoming controlling themselves or seeking relationships where they are not valued.

Study: Intergenerational transmission of unhealthy relationship patterns

Studies show that toxic theology—when misused to enforce control—leads to what psychologists call religious trauma syndrome. This is especially common in women raised under male-dominated interpretations.

Christian counseling studies warn that misusing verses about submission without mutual love, sacrifice, and accountability leads to spiritual abuse and emotional harm.

Study: Misapplication of biblical submission and abuse

Men who engage in trauma-informed therapy—especially for mother wounds and relational betrayal—show statistically significant improvement in empathy, emotional regulation, and healthy communication.

Study: Trauma-informed healing in male relational behavior