When Healing Means Letting Go

“I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. Therefore you shall choose life, so that you live, both you and your seed…” Deḇarim (Deuteronomy) 30:19, TS2009

Healing doesn’t always look like mended relationships or quiet resolutions.
Sometimes, it looks like closed doors, aching hearts, and the courage to choose obedience to YHWH over comfort or counterfeit connection.

Through layers of letting go, here’s what I’ve learned—some of it painfully, all of it prayerfully:

1. You can love people without giving them access.
You can care, pray, and wish them well…
But that doesn’t mean they get to have your peace, your presence, or your time. Love doesn’t require self-abandonment.

“Above all, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Mishlĕ (Proverbs) 4:23

2. Some relationships are meant to end.
No matter how much you wanted them to last.
No matter how much you sacrificed.
Some goodbyes are actually mercies from YHWH in disguise.

3. Old wounds can become weapons—when wielded by the wrong people.
There are those who will use your past pain as a leash.
To manipulate.
To guilt.
To pull you back into cycles you already broke free from.

4. Some people will never change.
Not because they can’t.
But because they won’t.
Even if it’s destroying them. Even if you can see the blessing on the other side. Free will is still theirs.

5. Some people will only see the ‘old you.’
No matter how much you grow, heal, or walk in truth.
Their version of you lives in the past—and they’ll do everything to keep you there.
But YHWH calls you forward, not back.

“Forget the former events, do not dwell on the past.” Yeshayahu (Isaiah) 43:18

6. People will twist truth to keep you close.
Not out of love—but out of need, fear, or control.
Discernment is a shield. Use it.

7. Some only want your body, not your soul.
Physical closeness is not the same as covenant connection.
Don't settle for someone who only wants to touch your skin but never your spirit.

8. You will be painted as the villain.
Because you chose boundaries. Because you chose healing.
Because you walked away from dysfunction and toward purpose.
Let them tell their story. You walk in truth.

9. Some people will hold you back from the blessings YHWH wants to give you.
From growth. From Kingdom work. From joy.
Not every connection is covenant. Some are weights disguised as comfort.

The Truth About Choices
Every hard decision comes with a consequence.
Every path forward involves pain—either the pain of growth or the pain of staying stuck.
But one leads to life. The other leads to decay.

You can choose obedience over “safe” love.
You can choose purpose over people-pleasing.
You can choose to break the cycle instead of spinning in it.

“He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take up his stake and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.” Mattithyahu (Matthew) 10:37–38, TS2009

You must choose the hurt.
The hurt that sanctifies... or the hurt that shackles.
The pain of obedience… or the comfort of compromise.

Choose life. Choose healing. Choose YHWH.

Questions to ponder:
What relationships are no longer aligned with your healing?

Are you choosing a comfortable pain over righteous growth?

Is there a boundary YHWH is calling you to draw?

If this resonated, like and share with someone who needs permission to choose obedience over emotional survival.

Need more? Check out these studies:

Trauma & Relationship Cycles:
People with unresolved trauma often find themselves in repeated unhealthy relationship patterns. Research from the Journal of Psychological Trauma (Ford et al., 2009) shows that trauma survivors may unconsciously seek out familiar dynamics—even if they’re toxic—until healing disrupts the cycle.

Emotional Manipulation & Gaslighting:
A study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence (Sweet, 2019) describes how manipulative individuals often distort reality to maintain control, using tactics like gaslighting to confuse or guilt the other person into staying.

Why People Resist Change:
According to Prochaska’s Transtheoretical Model of Change (1997), people don’t change unless they are internally motivated to do so. External pressure—even if well-meaning—rarely creates lasting transformation. This confirms: some people won’t change, because they don’t want to.

Setting Boundaries is Vital for Mental Health:
Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend’s research (supported by clinical psychology) emphasizes that boundaries are essential to protect your mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Their work shows that people with strong boundaries experience significantly less stress, guilt, and resentment.

Codependency & Control:
The Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment (Beattie, 1989) documents how individuals from codependent dynamics often confuse love with control or enabling, staying in relationships that drain them out of a fear of rejection or a false sense of responsibility.